How to resolve a difference with a brother

For Beginners - How to do the Journey

by Bill Brady

Echad (Oneness) = Unity.

We have seen that coming to unity is part of our upward journey.

  • “till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ…”

We come to the place of seeing the importance and beauty of unity.

  • “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is
    For brethren to dwell together in unity!

We come to the place of committing to the unity of the Universal Ecclesia. 

  • And to unity with one another in families and on benches.
  • And to exhorting one another to maintain that unity.
  • ” I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,  with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,  endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling;  one Lord, one faith, one baptism;  one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

Unity is the reason why Yeshua charges us to resolve differences with a brother.

  • First, we need to be making an effort to get to know one another.
  • This means spending time with one another and talking with one another.
  • Lots and lots of dialog.
  • This is what it means to be family.
  • Families are meant to do a lot of talking.

If there is a disagreement between us, Yeshua gave us a process to follow.  

  • This is for a situation that requires more than simple dialog.
  • Dialog comes first.

Matt 18:15-17:   “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.  But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’  And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”

  • Go to your brother and speak to him alone.
  • This can begin as simple dialog.
  • Many times simple dialog will show that there was a simple misunderstanding.
  • If dialog doesn’t do it then tell him his fault.
  • Tell him what you perceive that he did against you.
  • If he hears you then you have gained a brother.
  • If he will not hear then go back again with one or two others.
  • If he hears you then you have gained a brother.
  • If he will not hear you then tell it to leadership.

The purpose is to restore relationship with your brother.

  • It is not to win an argument.
  • Or to prove yourself right and your brother wrong.
  • Your goal is to restore fellowship.
  • You only win when you win your brother back in fellowship.
  • Your goal is to keep the number of those involved to the absolute minimum.
  • In doing this you honor your brother,
  • And cover sin with love.

Seek to keep your attitude towards your brother right through the whole process.

 Gal 6:1-5:  ” Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.  Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.  For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.  For each one shall bear his own load.”

  • It is so easy to take offense.
  • To become angry.
  • And to fall into justifying ourselves as right.
  • And accusing another of being wrong.

When we go to another it is from love.

1 Cor 13:4-8:  “ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.” 

  • Love suffers long before going.
  • Love goes when it is time to go.
  • Love suffers long in the process of going.
  • When love does go to one’s brother it is kind, humble, courteous, seeks the good and restoration of your brother, believes for that restoration.
  • Love endures whatever it needs to endure.
  • Love does not fail to love.

Trust, honor and compassion.  (A son revealed these three to me.)

  • Trust God in the process.
  • Honor your brother.
  • Have compassion towards your brother.
  • They are wounded or this would not have happened.

Matt 5:21-26:  “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’  But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire.  Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,  leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.  Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.  Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.”

  • Evil-speaking is murder.
  • It is assassination of another by the tongue.
  • Anger is involved.
  • It is wrongly judging another.
  • It results in us coming under judgment.
  • When we realize that we have done this then we go to our brother and reconcile.
  • And bring ourselves out from under judgement.
  • (I don’t see a need to reveal something that no one is aware of.
  • Love covers.
  • If it is already completely covered I don’t see a need to reveal it.
  • In fact revealing it can cause offense that would not arise apart from revelation.)
  • Use wisdom in these matters.

Yeshua gave us Matt 18 to help us to maintain our unity. 

  • And to help us to honor one another by keeping our serious differences private.
  • Away from the eyes and ears of unbelievers and other brothers and sisters.

None of us should be hearing about what a brother or sister did to another.

  • Unless we are being asked to consider going with you to speak to that other.
  • Or we are being approached by three or four who have tried to resolve an issue.
  • In this case we as fathers are being asked to judge between two who have a dispute.

If you are being asked to go with someone to talk to another. 

  • Our if you are being asked to judge between two who have a dispute.
  • You have a question to ask  before you hear about who did what to whom.
  • Gently refuse to hear about the original dispute.
  • Tell them the Matt 18 process.
  • And ask that it be followed.
  • Explain why it is so important that they don’t just find someone else to listen.
  • Tell them to come back if they have followed Matt 18 and still have a dispute.

We follow this process because we value unity.

  • We refuse to trigger and run away from fellowship with one another.
  • We see the supreme value of our fellowship and unity.
  • Of our benches and families.
  • We value honoring each other.
  • We act as a covering of love for one another.
  • And we refuse to speak evil about one another.
  • Or to judge one another.
  • Except when invited to do so as part of a Matt 18 process.

All of our judgment is done while enthroned as Judgment, Justice and Holiness.

  • A father who is qualified to act as a judge is enthroned in this way.

There is a difference between covering with love and covering up.

  • Love covers preserving unity and honor.
  • Because issues either aren’t serious issues or are resolved.
  • Fear covers up.
  • Resolving nothing.
  • Leaving serious issues to continue.

If two have an issue with one another.

  • Then one / both find one to judge between them.
  • At a point in our journey we begin judging up to the level of judging evil angels.
  • Find someone who is judging at that level.

Paul faced a situation in Corinth.

  • Two believers who had a dispute between.
  • One took the other to a secular court.
  • Paul saw this as a complete failure!
  • Think of the lack of unity!
  • Think of the dishonor brought to the name of Yeshua!

Listen to Paul’s words about this situation.

Jane’s summary on how handle these things in heavenly realms:

  • Key is to hold others in your heart pour love from eternity through all mankind
  • Deal with accusations u have against u that caused disunity to come your way
  • Judge lack of unity in courts or ancient of days
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Meet The Author

CEO. Jane Johnson B.Com Grad Dip LD, Dip Coaching.
Founder of the ECCLESIA framework in 2013, and the Heavenly Realms Support Group. Jane has worked in many different leadership capacities from being a professionally qualified Christian Leadership Coach for 13 years to many Christian leaders, to leading a ministry with the Navigators, to being a Senior Learning and Development Manager of a multimillion corporation, advising the management team on strategic approaches to get the best out of their people. She has developed considerable experience with Investors in People taking several companies through to successful accreditation and training as a consultant for them. Hence she understands the amazing impact a tool based on this principle can have.